I came in half way through due to drum class resuming, and like usual, I was terribly confused. I became really giddy, though, when Nathan and Peter approached the door to fight Sylar. No matter how confused I am, I can definitey understand a show down. In fact, I’ve been waiting ALL SEASON for such a showdown. And then…THE FUCKING SHOWDOWN OCCURS OFF SCREEN! I’ve never been this angry in my entire life. It’s kind of like saving your virginity for marriage, and then realizing on your wedding night that your new spouse is like, “Hey, I’m going to have sex with this other guy instead…No, you can’t even watch.” THAT is how I felt at 9:37pm.

At least they showed Nathan’s death. Assuming he stays dead. I mean, come on, dude’s died at least three times already I can think of off the top of my head.

Peter totally played Sylar, in an anticlimactically bad ass way. I would rather have seen the FUCKING SHOWDOWN, personally.

How about that solution? Disappointing, in my opinion. I feel like it’s a really cheap way to keep Nathan in the show and pretend like this season never happened. I definitely foresee an eventual/predictable story arc where Sylar’s memories begin to return. (EDIT: already evident in the preview for volume V. Boo yah.)

Buildings 1-25

April 14, 2009

As you know, the building the government uses to conduct experiments on evolved humans is called Building 26. This was the title of an episode a few weeks ago and it reappeared in “1961” last night. This led me to speculate what the government has tucked away in all of those other buildings…

Building 1: Children’s letters to Santa Claus.

Building 2: A bevy of unreleased “Ernest Goes to…” movies.

Building 3: Dennis Rodman.
dennis-rodman

Building 4: Witnesses to the bombing of MOVE in Philadelphia.

Building 5: Elves, fairies, ogres, talking animals, ALF and other mythical/awesome creatures.
alf_l

Building 6: A partially complete Death Star.
death_star2

Building 7: Surplus food to trade for oil.

Building 8: Oil.

Building 9: An army of ninjas in perpetual battle with an army of samurai.
ninja_crouch

Building 10: Peter Petrelli’s testicles.

Building 11: Discarded Pogs.

Building 12: A time machine.

Building 13: Tupac Shakur.

Building 14: All remaining American Indians.

Building 15: Inappropriate children’s books.
firstdate

Building 16: Ligers and man bear pigs.
man_bear_pig-784421

Building 17: A cure for Cancer.

Building 18: Decorative plates commemorating the election of John McCain as America’s 44th president.

Building 19: Flying cars, hoverboards, teleporters and other technologies we just can’t handle yet.

Building 20: Tall Asians, who will be released sparingly when the NBA needs some height.
yao-ming

Building 21: Surplus Snuggies to trade for oil.
snuggie

Building 22: Your mom. (Boo yah!)

Building 23: Transfers from Gitmo.

Building 24: Miniature models of all future buildings, featuring a model train which encircles all of them.

Building 25: Scripts for good episodes of HEROES.

I love Sylar’s new ability. It’s like watching a fat kid eat chocolate cake: delightfully grotesque.

fat-kid-eating-cake

The writers keep making me think that HRG knows the score, but then things just spiral out of control again and again for him. I was surprised that Sandra wasn’t more understanding when HRG explained that Sylar shapeshifts now. Apparently, though, women just don’t get it, as my wife said in a similar situation she would not forgive me.

Danko’s woman also doesn’t get it. But then again, she’s an ex-prostitute, so she kind of has a track record for not getting it.

Hiro and Ando reunite Baby Matt Parkman with Portly Adult Matt Parkman. Along the way, they meet an Asian who is not a stereotype (this might be a first for American television) and they then discover that if Baby Matt Parkman is unhappy, it stops everything. I’m really unsure of how this power could ever be useful. Hiro’s, “That was close,” declaration made me giggle.

In the end the Petrelli family, along with HRG, converge upon Coyote Sands, thanks to Angela’s dream. After a bit of digging, they exhume a mass grave. Ah! What could this possibly have to do with the start of everything? My bet? Cylons!

Review: “Into Asylum”

March 30, 2009

Zzzzz…Zzzz…Zzzz….huh? Oh, the episode is over? Well, here are my thoughts:

In case you didn’t catch it, I thought it was a real snoozefest. The three story lines were lame. Claire and Nathan hide out in Mexico, and in stereotypical fashion, binge drink. The whole coming to terms with each other/bonding thing is a bit played out. I’d like to see Claire move in a different direction besides daughter struggling with daddy issues.

Perhaps even more boring, Angela and Peter hide out in a Catholic church. I had enough boring Catholic church growing up; I don’t need any more in my TV. In a serious moment, Peter offers a prayer of desperation to the original superhero: Jesus, but I found it pretty contrived. Angela finally sleeps and has a dream telling her to go to her sister. I’m not sure how they could ever make this power look cool. Perhaps some close-ups on an agonized sleeping face amid some quick cuts to a crazy dream sequence shot in soft focus?

Sylar teams up with Danko, but I don’t buy it. He definitely doesn’t need any help to kill everyone, nor does he need protection from Danko. This buddy storyline is stretchier than Stretch Armstrong. However, it does produce the funniest line in the ep (albeit, corny):

Sylar: Why does anyone want power?
Danko: To screw with people?
Sylar: How about to screw people.

I’ll leave you with that.

Review: “Cold Snap”

March 23, 2009

This episode focuses on the search for Rebel, and kudos to you, Joshua (my sole reader), you were right that it was Micah. Except now he’s much more adolescent and awkward. The scene in which Tracy sacrifices herself to save Micah was the most badass scene on the show in a long time. Now I’m left to wonder, though, how many more characters will Ali Larter portray before the series ends?

Near the beginning, Doyle is given to Danko, but it was unclear to me by whom. Perhaps I missed that bit when I went to get some cookies. However, regardless of the benefactor, I personally would not want an overweight puppeteer as a gift on any occasion.

Hiro finally has his powers again, to some extent. I loved the wheelbarrow bit and that Ando discovers he can shoot the energy he produces and not just enhance other peoples’ powers. Part of what I use to love most about this show is seeing the characters deal with the development of their abilities (which was the focus of the fantastic first season). I’m glad to see that concept hasn’t been left completely by the wayside.

Matt finally does a couple of cool things and then gets played by Daphne, who’s all like, “Thanks for saving me. Peace out, Chubs.” But then he’s all like, “I can fly” and I was all like “What!? How!?” and then they proceeded to have some lame love scene that Claire and that random kid had before in front of the Hollywood sign. Sike, naw. They were really still in the hospital and she died. I was totally fooled.

At some point in the show I looked up and Peter flew away with Angela. I think I missed something cool before that as I attempted to download this video for my wife to use in her class tomorrow:

I can’t believe it’s rated five stars.

Suck

March 17, 2009

I hate it when they show reruns. Why does God hate me SO much?

Ahh! I missed the first half again! Ahh!

Well, here are my thoughts. I’ll try to get the rest up tomorrow after I get a chance to view the first half of the episode.

Did somebody say sickly, old misanthrope? Sylar’s father is exactly what I expected. I wish it was really surprising, like, hey, your dad is a jolly robot! But I have to give it to the writers, that was pretty rad when he pinned Sylar against the wall with arrows and then whistled him to seeming paralysis. Then Sylar was all like, “Ha! I’m playing opossum!” and then told him he’d let him die a slow death. That was sad about the rabbit, though.

Danko continues to pry and gets played by Angela Petrelli. What happened in Angola in 1997, dude? It was probably an indecent exposure incident. He seems the type to don a trench coat, walk up to you on the street, and then just grin while showing you his own little hero. Well, his downfall leads to the exposure of Nathan’s power and HRG’s promotion. All that power’s totally going to go straight to his glasses.

Hiro and Ando–whom I assume returned to the past–discover that Baby Matt Parkman needs saving. Great line when she shoves the kid in his face, and he just says, “No, thank you.” That’s how I feel every time someone shoves a baby in my face (which happens more frequently than you’d think).

Claire saves Doyle and has evidently decided to become the Harriet Tubman for evolved humans. Clearly, he played her and I don’t think this is the last we’ll see of him. Awesome ending, with Nathan saving the new savior. I don’t think they should stay behind that tree for long because it doesn’t cover them very well.

Review: “Exposed”

March 2, 2009

I’m sad to say that HEROES is beginning to feel like that delightful Bill Murray film, GROUNDHOG’S DAY. Another prophecy via acrylics predicting the explosion of a major U.S. city? None the less, I’ll forge on with my piercing insight.

Claire helps Alex escape, not withstanding some awkward sexual tension. I don’t understand her mom’s brilliant diversion plan. “Lyle and I will drive away so they think we’re smuggling Alex; meanwhile you and Alex make an extremely loud sound while you run out the back door, thereby immediately drawing their attention.” WTFS? You think those extra ten seconds really helped? And when the hell is that dude going to just hop into the Atlantic and elementary backstroke his way to Asia?

Matt and Peter break into Building 26, find out Daphne is elsewhere, and steal video of the initial capture of the evolved humans. What boggles my mind is that “Rebel” can send messages to anyone anywhere, hack into this secure encrypted government computer system, block people from interfering with the hacking, yet not download the effing video for herself? As a side note, I like the moment when we think Peter has regained his power of maintaining multiple abilities, but then they were all like SIKE! Naw, it was just Nathan. I also like how Danko (The Hunter) is playing Parkman like the chump that he is.

Sylar and juvenile delinquent Luke continue their bonding road trip. Sylar suddenly remembers his father killing his mother with the telekinesis finger thingy. Now this makes me think: is there another person as powerful as/more powerful than Sylar? Do we have an upcoming ultimate bad guy? Do I have any hot dogs in my fridge?

Finally, I love that Doyle, the puppeteer, has returned. Of all that bad guys that have graced HEROES, he’s by far the creepiest.

Review: “Cold Wars”

February 23, 2009

The abduction of HRG yields terribly anticlimactic revelations, spread over the first half hour. So he actually wasn’t just doing it to protect Claire; he merely wanted to get back in the game, but late we find out he is still secretly reporting to Angela Petrelli. OK. I’m pretty sure a couple lines of dialogue could have conveyed that. Thanks for shining light on that mystery, Parkman.

Wouldn’t it be a sweet twist if the hunter had an ability? He did say, “You don’t presume to know anything about me.” If you watched the webisodes awhile ago, he looks similar to that guy whose ability was to squeeze like a boa constrictor. But perhaps it’s just the bald, skinny, white guy thing.

The hunter actually looks like a jockey compared to HRG. I tried to find a link to that episode from THE SIMPSONS about Jockey Land but Fox doesn’t like Youtube. Just imagine it in your head, like the old days before the interweb.

Another random observation: I have no idea why anyone ever takes Peter seriously with a gun. If I had a nickel every time he pointed a gun at someone’s head only to back down out of remorse/guilt, I could probably buy some rad velcro shoes from Wal-Mart. If I ever confronted him as he threatened the life of a hostage, I’d be all like, “Dude. C’mon,” and he’d be all like, “Yeah. You’re right.” The whole situation could be diffused in an instant.

If you watch BSG, as well, then I commiserate with you in the terrible week we’ve had in TV.

A Lifestyle Conflict

February 17, 2009

Haylo is no more! According to Us magazine, Hayden (Claire Bennet) and Milo (Peter Petrelli) broke up because “It was a lifestyle conflict…They were in very different places.” Yeah, I’d say. She’s probably studying for the SATs and he’s preparing for his mid-life crisis, probably spending a great deal of time shopping for a red convertible. I would say it’s for the best, though, because now when I watch them in scenes together I won’t be thinking of awkward uncle-niece sexual tension.

Speaking on matters of coupling, I think Sylar and Luke should get together.