Review: “Cold Wars”

February 23, 2009

The abduction of HRG yields terribly anticlimactic revelations, spread over the first half hour. So he actually wasn’t just doing it to protect Claire; he merely wanted to get back in the game, but late we find out he is still secretly reporting to Angela Petrelli. OK. I’m pretty sure a couple lines of dialogue could have conveyed that. Thanks for shining light on that mystery, Parkman.

Wouldn’t it be a sweet twist if the hunter had an ability? He did say, “You don’t presume to know anything about me.” If you watched the webisodes awhile ago, he looks similar to that guy whose ability was to squeeze like a boa constrictor. But perhaps it’s just the bald, skinny, white guy thing.

The hunter actually looks like a jockey compared to HRG. I tried to find a link to that episode from THE SIMPSONS about Jockey Land but Fox doesn’t like Youtube. Just imagine it in your head, like the old days before the interweb.

Another random observation: I have no idea why anyone ever takes Peter seriously with a gun. If I had a nickel every time he pointed a gun at someone’s head only to back down out of remorse/guilt, I could probably buy some rad velcro shoes from Wal-Mart. If I ever confronted him as he threatened the life of a hostage, I’d be all like, “Dude. C’mon,” and he’d be all like, “Yeah. You’re right.” The whole situation could be diffused in an instant.

If you watch BSG, as well, then I commiserate with you in the terrible week we’ve had in TV.

A Lifestyle Conflict

February 17, 2009

Haylo is no more! According to Us magazine, Hayden (Claire Bennet) and Milo (Peter Petrelli) broke up because “It was a lifestyle conflict…They were in very different places.” Yeah, I’d say. She’s probably studying for the SATs and he’s preparing for his mid-life crisis, probably spending a great deal of time shopping for a red convertible. I would say it’s for the best, though, because now when I watch them in scenes together I won’t be thinking of awkward uncle-niece sexual tension.

Speaking on matters of coupling, I think Sylar and Luke should get together.

Review: “Building 26”

February 16, 2009

I love the Sylar storyline and how the kid suckers him into being his mentor and to opening up. But then Sylar plays him with the old locking-the-door-and-driving-away bit. I thought he was going do the thing where you almost let the person in, drive off a few feet, stop, say “Jk,” pretend you’re going to let them in, and then do it again. Three or four more times. I guess Sylar wasn’t in a humorous mood. However, evidently the kid grew on him (that was a bit predictable).

Ando and Hiro’s bromance continues its rocky run as Ando steals Hiro’s thunder (and then gets his ass kicked with a pot). I’m glad Hiro was able to save the day and stop the wedding by wielding a butter knife. It’s not quite a samurai sword but it was still pretty “smooth.” Ha.

Is it just me, or was Tracy super hot when she was all badass and sweaty?

Claire continues to rebel by warning that Alex dude. When she told him he couldn’t use his credit cards or go back to his place, and he was all like where will I go? I was thinking WTFS. You can breath under water and you live in California. Walk west, jump into the sea, and go chill in the Marianas Trench until this whole thing blows over. But what does he do? Hides in Claire’s closet. WT…wait for it…FS.

The best part of this evening was at 9:44 when the local NBC news aired a 5 second teaser in which the anchor said, “What happens when a pet chimp goes bad? We’ll show you at 11.” I’ve never wanted to watch the news so badly in all of my life. (I still won’t, though.)

I can’t decide how I feel about the frame story approach with Nathan on the phone. It mildly interested me, but on the other hand, it didn’t. At all. I recant the independent clause from two sentences ago.

I’m creating a new hip acronym: WTFS (What the Eff, Suresh!?). A big WTFS to him telling Hiro, “This is not your fight anymore.” Like 3 seconds ago Suresh was powerless, 2 seconds ago he was some kind of alien creature, and 1 second ago he loses those side effects and suddenly he’s all high and mighty like, “I’ve got the REAL powers blah blah blah I’m so heroic you are nothing, even though you can’t CONTROL SPACE & TIME right now I’m so much better than you and you’re so Japanese and short and you have such a less refined accent than I have and your hair is so much less wavy and dreamy.” Where does he get off? WTFS!?* You need to go back to stringing yarn in that attic apartment, pretending to be significant.

Ahhhhhh, Peter can only hold one power at a time. This would kind of suck, because you’d always be like, “Oh man, I wish I had that other power right now.” Or you may encounter embarrassing situations such as…trying to lift a car because you thought you currently had super strength only to discover–over the malevolent din of everyone’s laughter–that all you’ve managed to do is freeze it. Good luck with that, Peter Petrelli.

Unfortunately, I’ve got a stack of subpar essays to grade, so here’s a quick rundown of some of my other emotions throughout the rest of the episode:

Daphne is dead! Oh no 😦

Sylar finds an apprentice! Hooray!

HRG elects not to shoot Peter. Perhaps there’s some good in him? No, he definitely is trying to please Nathan so Claire is kept safe.

Survivors talking about taking the fight to them? Badass!

Claire gets anonymous texts about being ready? That was funny in THE OFFICE when Creed asked, “What’s a text?”

*Feel free to begin using WTFS in everyday situations where someone makes an insanely terrible decision

Kind of a scattered episode that was all over the place as they try to catch us up on most of the characters. So here’s my attempt to offer some insight into these updates.

Stacy/Tracy/Whoever gets caught. I don’t care, except I must admit that I was hoping for a bit of side-boob in that opening scene. A blurry bare back just hasn’t done it for me since 1992.

I wish I could buy a firehouse and made it into a lair just like Hiro. I’m not sure I’d buy a firehouse, though. Maybe an underwater cave, a skull-shaped island, or a treehouse might do for my fortress of solitude. I also need to get me a Rando-Cycle. You know, for the chicks. Unfortunately, Hiro is taken despite the fact he is currently powerless. He should sue.

Peter is a paramedic and though it’s a step up in practicality from a hospice worker, it’s a bit predictable. He runs into Suresh again, and they take a nostalgic cab ride. Throughout the course of events, both get suckered into captivity. Peter’s powers have returned with a slight twist. They are now more akin to Arthur’s abilities as touch seems to transfer the powers. I wonder if the touch-ee loses their abilities as he gains them.

Claire is trying to decide on a college. She’s getting even bitchier. She needs to go to college. Taken captive later in the episode, we discover she is not attractive in a frumpy orange jumpsuit.

Sylar finds his father and discovers he was a black market baby. How ironic that his “real” father was a taxidermist, preserving living things which no longer function, in opposition to the clockmaker who makes non-living things function. But perhaps I’m reading too much into it? BTW, did you understand his entrance into the house as his desire to return to the womb? Jk. Over at the new location, the hunting squad tries to bring him down but he reminds us just how badass he is. I love him more than ever.

Matt and Daphne struggle to deal with normalcy. I think the real struggle, however, is that she’s realizing how much hotter she is than him. She’s like an 8 or 9, and he’s totally a 4 or 5. A mismatch like this is bound to face some major problems as insecurities arise. You can’t fight mathematics. A successful couple must really be within a score of 2 from one another (unless the one with lower hotness makes up for it in hilarity–but let’s face it, parkman hasn’t gotten a laugh since that turtle joke several months ago). The only thing Parkman has going for him is that he is now a prophet. However, I don’t really like that they made him a skilled artist. I wish he would draw the future via crappy stick figures and a few stubby crayolas.

HRG works with Nathan!? Que el efe, hombre? I have a flickering hope that he’s working for the man so that he can bring him down, but I just don’t know anymore. I wanted to slap him just as much as I wanted to slap Gaeta over in BSG.

That was a creepy closing scene in the hangar, mostly because it strikes a chord with the US government’s treatment of terrorist suspects. If they have superpowers, though, I’m on their side (and now I’ve probably been flagged by the CIA). I kind of wish the episode would have ended with them taking off on the plane and not breaking out. It would have been much darker, and therefore better.