I love Sylar’s new ability. It’s like watching a fat kid eat chocolate cake: delightfully grotesque.

fat-kid-eating-cake

The writers keep making me think that HRG knows the score, but then things just spiral out of control again and again for him. I was surprised that Sandra wasn’t more understanding when HRG explained that Sylar shapeshifts now. Apparently, though, women just don’t get it, as my wife said in a similar situation she would not forgive me.

Danko’s woman also doesn’t get it. But then again, she’s an ex-prostitute, so she kind of has a track record for not getting it.

Hiro and Ando reunite Baby Matt Parkman with Portly Adult Matt Parkman. Along the way, they meet an Asian who is not a stereotype (this might be a first for American television) and they then discover that if Baby Matt Parkman is unhappy, it stops everything. I’m really unsure of how this power could ever be useful. Hiro’s, “That was close,” declaration made me giggle.

In the end the Petrelli family, along with HRG, converge upon Coyote Sands, thanks to Angela’s dream. After a bit of digging, they exhume a mass grave. Ah! What could this possibly have to do with the start of everything? My bet? Cylons!

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Review: “Into Asylum”

March 30, 2009

Zzzzz…Zzzz…Zzzz….huh? Oh, the episode is over? Well, here are my thoughts:

In case you didn’t catch it, I thought it was a real snoozefest. The three story lines were lame. Claire and Nathan hide out in Mexico, and in stereotypical fashion, binge drink. The whole coming to terms with each other/bonding thing is a bit played out. I’d like to see Claire move in a different direction besides daughter struggling with daddy issues.

Perhaps even more boring, Angela and Peter hide out in a Catholic church. I had enough boring Catholic church growing up; I don’t need any more in my TV. In a serious moment, Peter offers a prayer of desperation to the original superhero: Jesus, but I found it pretty contrived. Angela finally sleeps and has a dream telling her to go to her sister. I’m not sure how they could ever make this power look cool. Perhaps some close-ups on an agonized sleeping face amid some quick cuts to a crazy dream sequence shot in soft focus?

Sylar teams up with Danko, but I don’t buy it. He definitely doesn’t need any help to kill everyone, nor does he need protection from Danko. This buddy storyline is stretchier than Stretch Armstrong. However, it does produce the funniest line in the ep (albeit, corny):

Sylar: Why does anyone want power?
Danko: To screw with people?
Sylar: How about to screw people.

I’ll leave you with that.

Review: “Cold Snap”

March 23, 2009

This episode focuses on the search for Rebel, and kudos to you, Joshua (my sole reader), you were right that it was Micah. Except now he’s much more adolescent and awkward. The scene in which Tracy sacrifices herself to save Micah was the most badass scene on the show in a long time. Now I’m left to wonder, though, how many more characters will Ali Larter portray before the series ends?

Near the beginning, Doyle is given to Danko, but it was unclear to me by whom. Perhaps I missed that bit when I went to get some cookies. However, regardless of the benefactor, I personally would not want an overweight puppeteer as a gift on any occasion.

Hiro finally has his powers again, to some extent. I loved the wheelbarrow bit and that Ando discovers he can shoot the energy he produces and not just enhance other peoples’ powers. Part of what I use to love most about this show is seeing the characters deal with the development of their abilities (which was the focus of the fantastic first season). I’m glad to see that concept hasn’t been left completely by the wayside.

Matt finally does a couple of cool things and then gets played by Daphne, who’s all like, “Thanks for saving me. Peace out, Chubs.” But then he’s all like, “I can fly” and I was all like “What!? How!?” and then they proceeded to have some lame love scene that Claire and that random kid had before in front of the Hollywood sign. Sike, naw. They were really still in the hospital and she died. I was totally fooled.

At some point in the show I looked up and Peter flew away with Angela. I think I missed something cool before that as I attempted to download this video for my wife to use in her class tomorrow:

I can’t believe it’s rated five stars.

Ahh! I missed the first half again! Ahh!

Well, here are my thoughts. I’ll try to get the rest up tomorrow after I get a chance to view the first half of the episode.

Did somebody say sickly, old misanthrope? Sylar’s father is exactly what I expected. I wish it was really surprising, like, hey, your dad is a jolly robot! But I have to give it to the writers, that was pretty rad when he pinned Sylar against the wall with arrows and then whistled him to seeming paralysis. Then Sylar was all like, “Ha! I’m playing opossum!” and then told him he’d let him die a slow death. That was sad about the rabbit, though.

Danko continues to pry and gets played by Angela Petrelli. What happened in Angola in 1997, dude? It was probably an indecent exposure incident. He seems the type to don a trench coat, walk up to you on the street, and then just grin while showing you his own little hero. Well, his downfall leads to the exposure of Nathan’s power and HRG’s promotion. All that power’s totally going to go straight to his glasses.

Hiro and Ando–whom I assume returned to the past–discover that Baby Matt Parkman needs saving. Great line when she shoves the kid in his face, and he just says, “No, thank you.” That’s how I feel every time someone shoves a baby in my face (which happens more frequently than you’d think).

Claire saves Doyle and has evidently decided to become the Harriet Tubman for evolved humans. Clearly, he played her and I don’t think this is the last we’ll see of him. Awesome ending, with Nathan saving the new savior. I don’t think they should stay behind that tree for long because it doesn’t cover them very well.

Review: “Exposed”

March 2, 2009

I’m sad to say that HEROES is beginning to feel like that delightful Bill Murray film, GROUNDHOG’S DAY. Another prophecy via acrylics predicting the explosion of a major U.S. city? None the less, I’ll forge on with my piercing insight.

Claire helps Alex escape, not withstanding some awkward sexual tension. I don’t understand her mom’s brilliant diversion plan. “Lyle and I will drive away so they think we’re smuggling Alex; meanwhile you and Alex make an extremely loud sound while you run out the back door, thereby immediately drawing their attention.” WTFS? You think those extra ten seconds really helped? And when the hell is that dude going to just hop into the Atlantic and elementary backstroke his way to Asia?

Matt and Peter break into Building 26, find out Daphne is elsewhere, and steal video of the initial capture of the evolved humans. What boggles my mind is that “Rebel” can send messages to anyone anywhere, hack into this secure encrypted government computer system, block people from interfering with the hacking, yet not download the effing video for herself? As a side note, I like the moment when we think Peter has regained his power of maintaining multiple abilities, but then they were all like SIKE! Naw, it was just Nathan. I also like how Danko (The Hunter) is playing Parkman like the chump that he is.

Sylar and juvenile delinquent Luke continue their bonding road trip. Sylar suddenly remembers his father killing his mother with the telekinesis finger thingy. Now this makes me think: is there another person as powerful as/more powerful than Sylar? Do we have an upcoming ultimate bad guy? Do I have any hot dogs in my fridge?

Finally, I love that Doyle, the puppeteer, has returned. Of all that bad guys that have graced HEROES, he’s by far the creepiest.

Review: “Cold Wars”

February 23, 2009

The abduction of HRG yields terribly anticlimactic revelations, spread over the first half hour. So he actually wasn’t just doing it to protect Claire; he merely wanted to get back in the game, but late we find out he is still secretly reporting to Angela Petrelli. OK. I’m pretty sure a couple lines of dialogue could have conveyed that. Thanks for shining light on that mystery, Parkman.

Wouldn’t it be a sweet twist if the hunter had an ability? He did say, “You don’t presume to know anything about me.” If you watched the webisodes awhile ago, he looks similar to that guy whose ability was to squeeze like a boa constrictor. But perhaps it’s just the bald, skinny, white guy thing.

The hunter actually looks like a jockey compared to HRG. I tried to find a link to that episode from THE SIMPSONS about Jockey Land but Fox doesn’t like Youtube. Just imagine it in your head, like the old days before the interweb.

Another random observation: I have no idea why anyone ever takes Peter seriously with a gun. If I had a nickel every time he pointed a gun at someone’s head only to back down out of remorse/guilt, I could probably buy some rad velcro shoes from Wal-Mart. If I ever confronted him as he threatened the life of a hostage, I’d be all like, “Dude. C’mon,” and he’d be all like, “Yeah. You’re right.” The whole situation could be diffused in an instant.

If you watch BSG, as well, then I commiserate with you in the terrible week we’ve had in TV.

Review: “Building 26”

February 16, 2009

I love the Sylar storyline and how the kid suckers him into being his mentor and to opening up. But then Sylar plays him with the old locking-the-door-and-driving-away bit. I thought he was going do the thing where you almost let the person in, drive off a few feet, stop, say “Jk,” pretend you’re going to let them in, and then do it again. Three or four more times. I guess Sylar wasn’t in a humorous mood. However, evidently the kid grew on him (that was a bit predictable).

Ando and Hiro’s bromance continues its rocky run as Ando steals Hiro’s thunder (and then gets his ass kicked with a pot). I’m glad Hiro was able to save the day and stop the wedding by wielding a butter knife. It’s not quite a samurai sword but it was still pretty “smooth.” Ha.

Is it just me, or was Tracy super hot when she was all badass and sweaty?

Claire continues to rebel by warning that Alex dude. When she told him he couldn’t use his credit cards or go back to his place, and he was all like where will I go? I was thinking WTFS. You can breath under water and you live in California. Walk west, jump into the sea, and go chill in the Marianas Trench until this whole thing blows over. But what does he do? Hides in Claire’s closet. WT…wait for it…FS.

The best part of this evening was at 9:44 when the local NBC news aired a 5 second teaser in which the anchor said, “What happens when a pet chimp goes bad? We’ll show you at 11.” I’ve never wanted to watch the news so badly in all of my life. (I still won’t, though.)

I can’t decide how I feel about the frame story approach with Nathan on the phone. It mildly interested me, but on the other hand, it didn’t. At all. I recant the independent clause from two sentences ago.

I’m creating a new hip acronym: WTFS (What the Eff, Suresh!?). A big WTFS to him telling Hiro, “This is not your fight anymore.” Like 3 seconds ago Suresh was powerless, 2 seconds ago he was some kind of alien creature, and 1 second ago he loses those side effects and suddenly he’s all high and mighty like, “I’ve got the REAL powers blah blah blah I’m so heroic you are nothing, even though you can’t CONTROL SPACE & TIME right now I’m so much better than you and you’re so Japanese and short and you have such a less refined accent than I have and your hair is so much less wavy and dreamy.” Where does he get off? WTFS!?* You need to go back to stringing yarn in that attic apartment, pretending to be significant.

Ahhhhhh, Peter can only hold one power at a time. This would kind of suck, because you’d always be like, “Oh man, I wish I had that other power right now.” Or you may encounter embarrassing situations such as…trying to lift a car because you thought you currently had super strength only to discover–over the malevolent din of everyone’s laughter–that all you’ve managed to do is freeze it. Good luck with that, Peter Petrelli.

Unfortunately, I’ve got a stack of subpar essays to grade, so here’s a quick rundown of some of my other emotions throughout the rest of the episode:

Daphne is dead! Oh no 😦

Sylar finds an apprentice! Hooray!

HRG elects not to shoot Peter. Perhaps there’s some good in him? No, he definitely is trying to please Nathan so Claire is kept safe.

Survivors talking about taking the fight to them? Badass!

Claire gets anonymous texts about being ready? That was funny in THE OFFICE when Creed asked, “What’s a text?”

*Feel free to begin using WTFS in everyday situations where someone makes an insanely terrible decision

Kind of a scattered episode that was all over the place as they try to catch us up on most of the characters. So here’s my attempt to offer some insight into these updates.

Stacy/Tracy/Whoever gets caught. I don’t care, except I must admit that I was hoping for a bit of side-boob in that opening scene. A blurry bare back just hasn’t done it for me since 1992.

I wish I could buy a firehouse and made it into a lair just like Hiro. I’m not sure I’d buy a firehouse, though. Maybe an underwater cave, a skull-shaped island, or a treehouse might do for my fortress of solitude. I also need to get me a Rando-Cycle. You know, for the chicks. Unfortunately, Hiro is taken despite the fact he is currently powerless. He should sue.

Peter is a paramedic and though it’s a step up in practicality from a hospice worker, it’s a bit predictable. He runs into Suresh again, and they take a nostalgic cab ride. Throughout the course of events, both get suckered into captivity. Peter’s powers have returned with a slight twist. They are now more akin to Arthur’s abilities as touch seems to transfer the powers. I wonder if the touch-ee loses their abilities as he gains them.

Claire is trying to decide on a college. She’s getting even bitchier. She needs to go to college. Taken captive later in the episode, we discover she is not attractive in a frumpy orange jumpsuit.

Sylar finds his father and discovers he was a black market baby. How ironic that his “real” father was a taxidermist, preserving living things which no longer function, in opposition to the clockmaker who makes non-living things function. But perhaps I’m reading too much into it? BTW, did you understand his entrance into the house as his desire to return to the womb? Jk. Over at the new location, the hunting squad tries to bring him down but he reminds us just how badass he is. I love him more than ever.

Matt and Daphne struggle to deal with normalcy. I think the real struggle, however, is that she’s realizing how much hotter she is than him. She’s like an 8 or 9, and he’s totally a 4 or 5. A mismatch like this is bound to face some major problems as insecurities arise. You can’t fight mathematics. A successful couple must really be within a score of 2 from one another (unless the one with lower hotness makes up for it in hilarity–but let’s face it, parkman hasn’t gotten a laugh since that turtle joke several months ago). The only thing Parkman has going for him is that he is now a prophet. However, I don’t really like that they made him a skilled artist. I wish he would draw the future via crappy stick figures and a few stubby crayolas.

HRG works with Nathan!? Que el efe, hombre? I have a flickering hope that he’s working for the man so that he can bring him down, but I just don’t know anymore. I wanted to slap him just as much as I wanted to slap Gaeta over in BSG.

That was a creepy closing scene in the hangar, mostly because it strikes a chord with the US government’s treatment of terrorist suspects. If they have superpowers, though, I’m on their side (and now I’ve probably been flagged by the CIA). I kind of wish the episode would have ended with them taking off on the plane and not breaking out. It would have been much darker, and therefore better.

REVIEW: “Dual”

December 15, 2008

As usual, confusion upon jumping into the second half. Thus, I decided to take a crack and make a conjecture as to how each zany situation arose:

Situation: HRG and Meredith are stuck inside of a cell on Level 5. Evidently she is about to explode, and he can prevent this by shooting her.
My Explanation: Meredith and HRG were passionately making out in a secluded area of the building, when they tripped over a chair. Meredith fell into a vat of gasoline and HRG fell onto the switch that locked the cell.

Situation: Ando has some kind of super power which turns his arm a shiny red. When he touches other people, they also turn a shiny red.
My Explanation: He got hold of some of the formula, and now it’s slowly turning him into the Kool-Aid Man. When he touches other people, they also turn into the Kool-Aid Man. If they bust through a brick well, the change will become permanent, otherwise it will just last until the next eclipse (which, in the HEROES universe, should be in a couple of days).

kool-aidman


Situation: Knox is about to punch Nathan. Tracy freezes and then shatters him.

My Explanation: Nathan stepped on Knox’s new kicks and scuffed them. Nathan then refused to apologize because he’s an ass. Tracy kills Knox because she’s racist. She was unaware that he was about to punch Nathan.
nike-dunk-hi-bike

Situation: Peter and Flint are destroying the formula, while Suresh lies unconscious on the floor.
My Explanation: Suresh accidentally punched himself out when he threw a feeble haymaker at Peter, and Peter ducked. Peter and Flint then proceeded to destroy the formula because they hate Suresh and thought it would be funny. They had already taken his lunch money and given him a wedgie.

Hmm. As the episode progressed, I discovered that many of my suppositions were incorrect. Meh. As for the beginning of Volume 4: “Fugitives”? You gotta love the Black president*, even despite the fact that the series seems to be shamelessly emulating X-Men. None the less, I’m intrigued.

*Let’s see if he’s despotic.